I took a time out. I think I tried to juggle to much. I’m sure you have felt that way some time?
I wrote five “Frankie Books last year”
This year I’m taking more time for my work and for myself.
Being a parent of a child who is going through something that they can’t communicate to you is so hard.
Bi-weekly blood tests to start. I’m grateful that they are no longer weekly, but every time we go into the office I can tell she is starting to know why we are there and it breaks my heart.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned since becoming a parent is to let go of trying to control everything.
Honestly trying to control everything made me very unhappy.
You know what else completely breaks my heart? All these friends that you’ve had for years and have shown up for time and time again disappear the moment your child comes into the world.
There’s like this tier of friendship.
Top tier: The small amount that showed up when they were born to congratulate you, to hug you, to offer help or warranted wisdom. I have (three friends) that have helped with the occasional baby sitting for something important or a doctors appointment.
Middle tier: Facebook congratulations, I’ll see you soon, texting friends, (don’t call) texting friends. Showed up at my house maybe once or twice in the past two years. “Fair-weather friends”
Bottom Tier: I, no joke, have had two girls who were good friends, “bridesmaids at my wedding, who live (30 minutes away) and the other just over an (hour away) never meet my daughter. Never even try.
I look back at the past two years, some nights I cry for how hard it’s been and how much we have been through. But honestly I also mostly Thank God.
I say “Thank you God for stepping in and taking out the people that you don’t want in Frankie’s life. I was so blinded thinking these people were friends and they aren’t. So thank you.”
You might read that and think it’s harsh but truly I feel relieved. Even writing this down. I think If I should be anything in this life I should always be honest with myself and to others.
So I’m ready to start writing again. I took a sabbatical and now I am back and ready to open myself up again in hopes that a family that is going through the beginning process of dealing with a child with health issues they can find HOPE in what I share.
So off with the old and on with the new.
Much love to you all.