The Vanishing Friend Trend

The thing you fear. No, not my friends. They will know I’m a cool Mom right? They won’t disappear. The truth is your REAL friends will stick around. Maybe not in the same way. But they will be there for you. 

When you are pregnant, your friends are there for you for anything. Your baby shower?! Amazing. We had an awesome time. We had a co-ed adult only party with about forty of our friends. It was fantastic. 

When your baby is born. It’s a whole new Adult world. A world were your old life, and your social circle is abruptly changed. For many reasons, one, some friends aren’t “baby people”At least that’s the excuse you hear. Reason two, “too busy”. Reasons three, “they aren’t your friends”

I’m not trying to sound negative. But it’s the truth. So Mike and I have no family here. All of Mike’s family is back in Chicago area. My family is in Washington State. My Mother died of Cancer in 2011. Thank God for two women in our life that live in California. They sacrificed so much from their family to be here with us when we needed help. And thank God for our Family. They helped out in any way they could from a long distance. 

Frankie was diagnosed of PKU on day four at the hospital when we were packing to leave. Our whole world was turned upside down. From this excitement of going home with this brand new gorgeous child, to a brand new gorgeous child with a disease which we had no clarity on what to do. 

When we got home we were zombies. We were of course consistently smiling and loving toward our child, but when she slept we cried and couldn’t tie our own shoelaces, let alone make dinner. 

We emailed our circle of friends, which included family, and our bridesmaid’s and groomsmen which we consider our closer friends. Let’s just say, when bad things happen in life, God makes it very clear to you who your true friends are. 

It was like a cleansing process for us. This past year has been an eye-opening experience for us. But honestly, I think it’s a blessing. I have experienced this phenomenon twice in my life. When my Mom battled cancer for four years, I watched people that had been close to her, her whole life drop out of her life like flies. “Too busy,” to hold her hand or call. “Too busy, TO CALL.”

 When her funeral came it was unbelievable the amount of people that showed up. And I sat there looking around at all these people in tears and thought, where were you? Where were you when she needed you? But you can’t get angry, you have to forgive and just let it go. My Mom was the most kind, loving, person you ever met in your life. She never said a harsh word to another person. 

She drove an H2 Hummer in Washington. Main reason, because it’s the safest car to drive and she had four grand-babies at the time and wanted them as safe as possible. Once we were on the freeway and this person drove by us and flipped her off. Believe it or not, it happened a lot. I was shocked and said angrily to my Mom, “Oh my Gosh Mom, that guy just flipped you off!”

Her response, “Oh sweetie, he was probably just having a bad day. We should pray for him.” 

This was her. She always saw the best in people. 

The second time I witnessed this “friend’s disappearing phenomenon” was after she was gone in my Father’s life. Friends, dropped like flies. My Dad told me that when you die, if you can count five true friends on your hand you’ve lived a successful and fulfilling life. 

I think it’s true. Look at your hand and count the people that if you called right now and said I need you, they would drop everything and come to be by your side. If you can? You are a very blessed individual.

When Frankie was diagnosed, that first month, we could count the amount of people that showed up for us on one hand. And you know what? Those are the same people today that check in, support us, and love on us. 

I think the point of writing this is, don’t get discouraged. You will go through sort of a mourning process. But take it as a blessing. You not only find out who your friends are, but you find out who YOU ARE. How strong you are! And you are always stronger than your think. God NEVER gives you something that you can’t handle. Your child is amazing! You are amazing. And you can get through anything. 

Perhaps you might be reading this and your friend just had a baby. My advice to you is find a day that you are free, call them, visit them, bring food, bring some flowers. Ask what diaper size their child is in and bring them a pack. Being a parent is overwhelming. It takes extraordinary sacrifice. Any type of encouragement goes farther than you can ever imagine. 

I suppose what I’m trying to say is, Challenge yourself to be a friend to someone who needs it more than you will ever know. 



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